"Evey time wasted is a chance wasted"

I happen to bump into this phrase a few weeks back as I was browsing through the list of my MSN nicks and I believe some of you who studies in SP will see it too. It is amazing how sometimes we can get such amazing phrases from our friends. The owner of this phrase may probably be laughing as he reads this post. Hint, hint, is a "HE".

Every time wasted is a chance wasted. I believe this statement is very self explanatory. Have we ever ponder how many chances we have bypass because we let our time escape from our clutches? Taking for example, knowing that we do have important agenda to follow through and yet we let it pass. Or we always choose to do stuff that we feel is an easy way out and enjoy life to the fullest. Either ways, at the end of the day, the common conclusion to this kind of behaviour is "Last minute work"or we keeping telling ourselves "We have no time".

Honestly, I am no exception from the paragraph above and I dare say I fall deeply into this category of people. "Why?", you may ask. I always produce results that you have assigned me to do. On top of that, sometimes I accomplished them so well you think I have done a really great job in preparing them. This may seems like it, but its the surface that you see.

I have the habit to push things to the very end or unless I am reminded to finish them. In many occasions, I choose to do things that I feel enjoyable and leaves all the hard work to the end because I believe "I always have time later." Every time I tell myself this statement, an hour passes and eventually I tell myself "There's always tomorrow." But will there be time tomorrow?

I know the answer perfectly well yet my habit is not willing to take form and change for the better. I am still what I am. So still, so stagnate. Is as if I am literally a very lazy person to start with. I ever question myself why, but some of the answers I gather are not convincing enough, They seem to be excuses rather than statements of conviction. My answers do not substantiate anything. I hate myself so much so I despise myself at times.

Despise, hate, why? To cover up my losses and portray the "my good image", I have to lie and make fake agreements and empty promises to many. I hate lying as it does not inject the real me in your mind. I dislike filtering your thoughts about me and use disgusting words and statements to cover up my wrong doings. Why can't I just start the ball rolling and be enthusiastic with the things around me?

Every time wasted is a chance wasted. Am I really that lazy, or am I indeed busy? In any organisation I begin with, I am always bombarded with jobs, responsibilities and mistakes. It seems like I am ever so capable of accomplishing anything that I have been kindly asked to do. Am I so dumb to say "NO"? Or am I just afraid my rejection to your offer is due to my laziness? Confused, lost, can you give me a direction?

I have come to the point of saturation from assignments, work and work. The flame hinders strongly once inside me dims as time passes. Definition of true enjoyment is no longer in my dictionary. All that is left is pretends. I envious those who are enjoying right now like those behind me playing their games as I type aimlessly here. I am jealous of anyone who still have the engery left to do anything meaningful.