Industrial Training Programme, ITP is totally no joke. Working is such a tedious life accomplishment. I miss going to school. I miss the life of being a student. I miss the freedom I have been whining about. I miss everything except working my guts out.

Sometimes I wonder how I got myself into all these craps. Why do I choose to be different or Extras. Why did I bother to take up the "thing" that I am losing fate and interest in? Why can't I lead the life of a normal student? Why can't I learn to reject offers for so many years? Why do I always respond with a "YES" when someone ask "Can you do this for me"? Why am I being so so so ...

Maybe I just love getting myself into unnecessary duties. Maybe I am fated to do things that no one loves to do. Maybe I am just too kind. Maybe I need results to prove my competency. Maybe I just have too much time. Maybe I feel life too smooth sailing for me. Maybe I am just being dumb and oblivious of myself. Maybe I do not have a dream. Maybe just maybe I ...

But I am certain that my sweat and blood will turn into Gold. But I am sure that I will be satisfied with my accomplishments. But I will be able learn to be a better person. But I believe I will get stronger and await my future endeavors. But I really have the desire to take them on. But I am happy when I am being different and noticed. But, but I , I ...

Am I lying to myself? Am I deceiving my fate? Am I thinking foolishly? Am I turning greedy for attention? Am I becoming proud? Am I lost in my world? Am I capable of doing anything right? Am I being too naive over my accomplishments? Am I even suppose to be happy with my results? Am I...

"my life is as boring as the stagnant water. as still as the motionless sky. as dry as the burning desert. as lifeless as a dry leaf. as empty as a growning stomach. as meaningless as a criminal's life"

First and foremost, let me wish you a very Happy Chinese New Year and may the year of the rat brings you lots of wisdom and creativity.

Chinese New Year is never the same each year. As every new year commences, the people I see and recognized as relatives get lesser and lesser. Chinese New Year (CNY) seems to be a child's dream to meet many people, get lots of angpoa and say well wishes without knowing the purpose and are often taught to say them because their parents told them to as a form of respect to the elders. In return, we see the smiling faces of the elders not knowing the story behind their past or whether their intentions were ever genuine.

If you asked what keeps CNY going in Singapore these days, my answer would be our grandparents. Grandparents are the reason that the seemingly true CNY exists till today. They are the key characters that remind their children to visit them only at this time of the year. Reunion dinner is nothing much but a facade to stage their children's filial and piety towards them. It is nothing much but to keep their parents happy on this very one and only occasion.

When our grandparents meet their makers, families that share the same blood become strangers and pretends become a norm. They will try with any means and methods to define the true meaning of isolation and desertion by avoiding any of them even to take a peek. If they meet coincidentally, smiles that are drawn by both parties' faces will mean nothing but "I am not exactly really happy to see you" gesture.

From the ignorant kid to a semi conscious teenager, I realize that many times the above drama takes place revolves around the issue of money and gaining favoritism. Money comes into the picture when the adults always claim that they do not have enough cash to support the elderly and wish that the other siblings do their part in supporting them. The younger siblings revoke and claim that "You are doing so well what. I still have to feed a family of 5 with 3 small children who are still studying." The elder will come in and say, "You can handle one. Times are bad and my salary isn't increasing." And sometimes you really wonder how the family of 5 is able to afford a condominium and a posh car and the the person who has been working all this while is receiving incentives from their children and there seem to be not enough for their retirement age.

And when one party is willing to play the goodie-two-shoes, the others become jealous and whine that they are putting on a good act so that they will be able to receive most of the assets from the elders. They become bitter and start showing displeasures and unhappiness with all the drama. They think that with as much favoritism gain, the amount of assets obtain increases as well. But as parents themselves, have they ever wonder if they would be so biased to the point that their assets will be unevenly distributed to their own children? Or the question of whether there is any asset worth fighting for the very first place?

As we ponder these questions, we sit down and ask ourselves,"If we are so capable and we believe in our own potential, is there a need to fight for anything among ourselves? What have our grandparents or parents ever done to receive this treatment and be the main character of this childish play?"

Generations after generations, will the Chinese New Year legacy ever be taught and passed to our children properly with the right cultural practices? Or will our elders be the nameless characters of our immature act in our story?

"FAMILY means father and mother I love you"

Hey, stop thinking "yellow" after reading the title above. What I meant was that these 2 days have been really fulfilling and enjoyable. Didn't stay at home and slack my time off. I believe most of you will be swearing at me as many of you had done that, obviously. Hehe.

I went to the gym on Friday. I realize how much my body has deteriorated over the pass 2 months of just eating and studying. My stamina has gone down, breathing and body are totally not synchronized. The amount of time taken to do the same sets of work out took much longer than the last time I did them. Everything is screwing up. Even my mass has increased. But the instructor there and even my friends said I lost. Ain't sure if the looks can be deceiving to them. In any case, it is about time to start getting in shape before NAPFA comes. I really have no intention and desire to spend 3 more months with the army. But first thing first, I hope the pain on both arms recover quickly as I reckon I could have over exerted my arms during the last training. Anyways, Monday will be the day for another gorilla training.

Oh ya, I also had my hair cut. Feel so lighted headed now. Definitely not getting dumber. LOL.

Today is definitely the best day of the week. Went out with sec school friends to town. Had lunch at Subway in Cineleisure (I think that is how you spell it) and went over to NAFA to meet Dass and his fanciful fashion artworks. He was stationed to do the "Archives" where students and lecturers works were displayed. Most of the pieces I say are really beautiful. Too bad you can only find them in fashion schools and not in the market. And they have these complex sewing machines that are computerized. Like how pockets and your button holes can actually be automatically created. Even crazy patterns that you never thought of creating can all be done automatically. And I always thought they only had these swing machines which our grandmothers would used at home to do sewing available in their school, but I was wrong.

Anyways Dass brought us up and down, left and right, level to level and door to door to only realize how compact the school really is.

Personally, I felt the school was rather restricted. There isn't much space for students to breath or even a place to chill in school. There are insufficient rooms for students to just sit down and chat during free time. All I saw were classrooms after classrooms and many more classrooms after the next classroom. The school also lacks in greenery or something that is close to the definition and existence of nature. They are surrounded by walls that are coated with chill white and areas that become gloomy without the lighting. Even the exterior environment of the school sends in a gush of urgency and complication. Everywhere you see are buildings and shop houses that encapsulates the school as they shadow upon it. The only form of movements you can see are the busy people walking on the street and vehicles driving pass the tireless road of 38 Bencoolen Street in a uniform, single direction.

I ponder how these students are driven to attend school everyday from the early mornings to the late evenings and sometimes the nights. What burst them to make them craving to report to school everyday? We say designers or in general, artists are people with extraordinary mindset. They think things out of the norms. Sometimes they can be over conservative yet at times they can be so spontaneously outgoing. How are students and even lecturers in NAFA able to cope with this cold and shadowed life?

Is it for love or the passion to learn and educate oneself and others? Is it friendship or fair competitiveness that spur them on? As confused as I am, as irrational the answers I thought of can be, there is one thing I am certain about and that is my admiration for these people, the great artists that represent the arts of the world. Their extraordinary minds have given them the path to look things in a certain way that makes them paralyzed to the norms of lives. As an ordinary folk, I view their surroundings as the living world of chaos but in their eyes, the school is a perfect piece of artwork that glitters with their sweat and exhaustions. In my mind I feel that their work is too much and heavily overloaded, but in their world they produce each work with their love and tears of both bitterness and sweetness with each stitch they sew and with each stroke they draw.

Carrying these thoughts in mind, I wrote to Dass, "Dass is Sivadass, nothing but a dust." This sentence carries my deepest sorrows and happiness for you. You have indeed emerge out from your former shell and has transformed into a person who you truly are. Your potentials stand alone like a speck of dust which sinks in equally together with the millions of other outstanding candidates. We are truly happy for you and are glad that you have come thus far. As your new year commences, I wish you all the very best in your future endeavors.

"As much as you want to be, as much as you want to become, it all starts with being yourself."

Anyway, if you are bored reading the above, here is a Star Wars video from MadTV. Enjoy.