Last Sunday was Mother's Day and I went shopping with a friend to get her Mother's Day gift. Along the way we were sharing how we or mostly she celebrates her Mother's Day every year. And it kept me thinking how my family celebrates such a joyous occasion. To my surprise, I have no recollection of such a celebration in my deepest memory and it came to my realization that my family does not have the culture of celebrating such occasions. Maybe we did but it kind of faded along the years.

Our conversation went on and it came to the topic on birthdays. That topic struck me again. The only thing that came out of my mouth was "We do not celebrate birthdays. At most we have a decent meal at night." And with that sentence, it kept me wondering if I have a weird family or is it just plain ordinary for this to occur. Maybe we don't see our birthdays as something to be so significant. I don't know. What you think?

10 years passed and 10 years breezed through. The last celebration I had was when I was turning 10. I remember we had dinner at one of the buffet restaurants which served marvelous Japanese and Mongolia dishes. Every food we pick just seems to end up in our tummy. Becoming a glutton was a sin to be forgiven on that day.

After that sumptuous dinner, we headed to the beach for a walk. I can still recall the tender freshness of the evening air and the ever comforting sea breeze that brushes silky along the skin. And of course the awesome hairdo after having to face the breeze for quite a moment.

That fragment of time seems so simple yet so precious. I believe for many years of birthday celebrations there can only be one that we feel important and precious to us.

As time pass and with each year getting older, birthdays seem no longer exciting anymore. I can't blame anyone for anything as many hiccups occurred after that portion of my memory. We were bracing through difficult times and it wasn't easy for us to settle down. Having to be a part of this family has made me understand the different status of life from being once a prince to a pauper and back on to be normal. Life is never smooth sailing and there are times we just have to fight and be responsible for what we feel is true to us. And I am thankful to be able to learn this lesson from my family. Even if history would to repeat itself again, I will choose to stand alongside with them as they have given me so much yet I have so little time to repay them.

A month to come and I am a year wiser. Actually older. With the figure 2 in front of your age doesn't make you young anymore. Haha.

At times I wonder why am I still here. At my age, most would have entered army or finished national service and furthering their studies in university or even working from then on. Thinking about this makes me feels so silly of myself. Having to spend an extra year in secondary school and another year in polytechnic (JC is only 2 years) I realize how much time I have wasted and what I could be doing right now. And thinking about the amount of time I have to waste after NS and if I wish to purse my studies has instantly engraved the word "STUPID" all around me. Sometimes I am glad I took the normal way of life and education but when I see how others progress so quickly, I wonder to myself "Why can't I be like them?"

Embarking on the 20 journey, what do I have to prepare or am I even prepared? Will this year be any different or will my life stay status quo? What changes can I expect? Drastic? Pleasant? Unsure of the future ahead makes me afraid of the road in front of me.

...With the only lamp post beaming from above, with the dark fog covering the surroundings, a little boy squats, leaning against the lamp post, with both arms crossed in front of him, he ask "Where should I go? Is anyone there?"...