I reckon it has been ages since I last left my trails here.

Busy? I guess.

Lazy? Most probably.

. . .

I have the sudden urge to write today.

For some reason or another, I becoming to see my world changing rapidly that I sometimes would choose to stay at standstill and block all my senses keeping the assumption that nothing seems to be changing. My world was pleasant and quiet with absolute zero disturbance and life flows through like the silky river with little turbulence. But now . . .

Life has been a roller coaster ride for me. Coming to the final year of polytechnic, I feel stuck in between time and space. At times I remember about the past which often brings back bad memories of people and events. The usual me who take things as it is - the principle of NORM, has started making comparison which eventually lead to whining and lots of complaining. At present, I feel so restless. The body and mind just refuses to function, thinking that there's still time, why not enjoy now. Looking into the future, I fear that time is not on my side and I cannot imagine the amount of work I have to complete before the deadlines. At times like this, I just would probably want to say, "I am screwed."

We keep telling ourselves and even others that every year will be a better year. Are we consoling ourselves with the present losses or are we just hopping that little statement will motivate us to press on? In my opinion, consolation more than motivation. Every year will never be a better year unless you choose to remain status quo which is impossible to reach unless you are a true master in repetition. I mean how can anyone perform the same set of events that make him or her happy every year with no worries and troubles. Look at the economic crisis, the rising oil prices and not forgetting the erected gantries of sonic speed payment (ERP), "BEEP!". Plus the escape of "Toilet" man who is no where to be seen till today. With so much entertainment, how can we not change and adapt to these man made forces?

I am not complaining about the materialistic itinerary of these events. It is the concept that I am referring to. Back in my earlier days, I have believed that ones life is destined from the day we are born. No matter how much effort we put in, we have already been cursed or blessed. The only thing that is dragging us, is time itself. But over the years, I begin to see things differently. There are things that changed. People, who can be your closest ones or your nemesis are the scariest form of creation that the world has. Their sudden twit in behaviour can bring you to cloud nine or send you to the deepest level of earth where you see no light.

Unknowingly, we have reached an era of concentration. The amount of forces that have been pushing us all these years have blown plenty away. Like a syringe that has reached its max, our over achieving actions to outdo the principle of science has caused the syringe to crack and eventually give way.

Being competitive is good, but over competitiveness has a price to pay. If everyone wants to be the best, what is left for our younger generations? Will it come a day when everyone has come to a standstill and ask "What to do next?"

"...Like a cumulative curve, whatever goes up must eventually come down. And when that down time comes, will we ask ourselves what have we all been fighting for?..."

The lovely Mango Cheese cake from Sim Ming Centre. So nice, you simply want more.